We dream of a new career, a new relationship, a better home – some better, newer ‘something’. We know that getting these things will involve changes. And, we believe we can handle the change.
Often we can. Because it’s not the change … it’s the Transition that gets cause us so much pain and heartache.
The Difference Between Change and Transition
I think of change as the difference between what you have now and what you want, e.g. a different job. Though sometimes we struggle to describe what that ‘difference’ is, we can when prompted or coached make a list of the characteristics of the change we want to make. And, our ability to so clearly articulate that change can ‘lull’ us into thinking “piece of cake!”
That’s because when we think of change we focus on the future state, the new beginning. And, often gloss over the fact that there are steps we need to take between the Now and the Then.
And, that’s what Transition is all about. Transition is the journey we take from where we are to where we hope to be. The challenge is that Transition is not just about executing a planned set of steps or tasks. Transition is a psychological journey – particularly is that true when we are making BIG changes.
The Psychology of Transition
In his groundbreaking book, “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes”, William Bridges called the Transitional phase of a large change “The Neutral Zone”. He characterized it as a time when old skills, former talents, no longer worked. It as if we are adrift without a familiar set of oars or, for that matter, a rudder. Sound familiar?
On my more charitable days, I think of Transition as being like the Israelites journey to the Promised Land: dry, empty, hungry, lost, untrusting of Leadership, and never ending. On my less charitable days I think of Transition as “Crazy Times” because I so often feel like I am crazy or am about to be committed.
Here are some of my experiences with Transition, why not see what fits for you:
- At first I am excited, energized, eager to move forward,
- Then WHAM I feel discouraged, frustrated, angry,
- Then, wham, I feel giddy, hypomanic, optimistic,
- Again, wham, I’m overwhelmed, lost, confused, uncertain,
- As time passes I may get stuck, give up, or worse fall into a deep depression,
- If I get help (coaching or therapy) I find my climb my way out, and
- Finally find myself at that New Beginning – but not as the same person I was when I set out.
Sound familiar? These ‘Moods R Us” are in fact the signal characteristics of Transition, because Transition is an EMOTIONAL not an INTELLECTUAL process. Oh, yes, we might wish it was rational. We might want it to be as simple as following a plan. But, Transition grabs our emotions because it’s about LETTING GO of the Old. And, Letting Go is seldom easy.
So, what’s a person to do?
Tips For Making Transitions Less Painful
My coaching practice is focused on Transitions and I have dozens of tips and tricks I share with my clients. Here are my Top 3 Tips for Making Transitions Easier:
#1 Anticipate The Emotional Roller Coaster
KNOW this: When you make a big change you WILL experience conflicting, confusing, and confounding emotions. Understanding that up and down moods are typical can remove the fear that “I’m going crazy!” And, it probably wouldn’t hurt to forewarn others – especially those close to you that you might be ‘acting a little strange’.
However, if you do experience prolonged depression be sure to consult a trained mental health professional. It’s normal to experience depression during Transition but you need to be careful it doesn’t become Clinical.
#2 Transitions ALWAYS Take Longer Than You Think They Will
Making a significant career change may look easy on paper but trust me, they ALWAYS take longer than you might imagine. Letting go of a career you had for 30, or 20, or 10, or even 5 years isn’t easy. Whether we want to or not we become ‘identified’ with our careers and jobs. So, giving up that old job title often kicks in some interesting reactions: mood swings, sleepless nights, bitchiness, et al.We’d love to jump into the new career but we can’t do that until we’ve lost the baggage from the last one.
#3 Get a Coach!
You knew I was going to say that, didn’t you
Transitions are doable and can be made a lot smoother and easier with the help of a coach. But, don’t hire just any coach. Be sure to look for someone who specializes in dealing with Transitions. Better yet find a coach who has successfully navigated a few big life Transitions.
There’s no need to be afraid of Transitions. The emotions you encounter can be managed and have less negative impact – when you’re prepared and you get the help you need.
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Lyle T. Lachmuth is THE Unsticking(TM) Coach. He mentors writers and other eclectic creatives who yearn to fully and authentically express their gifts. Lyle holds a Masters degree with a speciality in Strategic Transition Management and specializes in consulting on Life & Career Transitions. His blog/website is www.TheUnstickingCoach.com
© 2008 Lyle T. Lachmuth All Rights Reserved
