Book Review: Living Your Unlived Life

The Book:

Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life, Robert A. Johnson and Jerry M. Ruhl, Ph.D., Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, New York, 2007, 260 pp

From The Book Jacket:

We all carry a vast inventory of abandoned, unrealized, or underdeveloped talents. These do not just “go away” through disuse or by ignoring them, believing they are part of a childish fantasy or daydream.

Living Your Unlived Life explains that, when brought to awareness, our unlived dreams can propel us beyond our disappointments – even if outer circumstances cannot be visibly altered. The book is a deeply realistic blueprint for transforming regret into greater consciousness and integrating the hidden parts of our psyches into our outer lives.

What I Liked About This Book:

First a confession, I am a Jungian Junkie and a huge fan of Robert A. Johnson. I discovered his book Inner Work in the early 90s, have been using Active Imagination since then, and own and have read all of his books.

Johnson and Ruhl, who is also a Jungian Analyst, use the myth of the twins Castor and Pollux to examine how our ‘missing selves’ emerge during mid-life and call us to wholeness.

In the myth, one twin, Castor, dies and is consigned to Hades (a metaphor for the unconscious) while his twin, Pollux, receives immortality. Inconsolable, Pollux asks Zeus to allow the two to share their time between Hades and Mt. Olympus (home of the Gods). This seems feasible, just as it seems feasible to divide our own time between ‘earthly’ pursuits during the week and idealistic, ‘heavenly’ pursuits on the weekend. But, this artificial split didn’t work for them, just as it eventually fails for us.

The authors examine how at mid-life our one-sidedness catches up with us and the buried parts begin to clamour for attention. We begin to face our ‘unlived life’, limitations, and ‘failures’. We become stuck.

The remainder of the book is devoted to strategies for resolving this struggle for wholeness.

One entire chapter is devoted to strategies for the “Art of Being”. One particularly useful exercise is called “The Who am I?” exercise. Practiced with a supportive partner is a revealing way of getting at our essence.

Another chapter examines the use of Symbolic actions to deal with the “stuff” that emerges during this time of struggle. For example, as a writer, I loved the author’s suggestion of challenging my inner violent nature by ripping up a copy of my own writing that was ‘bad’. Channelling our impulses is critical because if we don’t they will erupt. Particular attention is devoted to the sexual impulses that emerge at this time and to ways in which we can use them to fuel our creativity.

Other chapters examine:

• how we can use Active Imagination, a technique I highly value, to dialogue with unexpressed parts of ourselves and reveal their needs,
• how to reveal the secrets that reside in our dreams,
• how to resolve our opposites by moving from Either/Or to Both/And, and,
• To fully acting through this “mess”.

Why Coaches Will Benefit From Reading This Book:

While this book will be of particular interest to Life and Career coaches, any of you who are coaching Boomers will benefit from understanding the unconscious forces at play during the mid-life transition. Rest assured, if you are coaching anyone over the age of 48, even if you are focusing on business, management, or leadership, these issues will emerge. Why not be prepared to help your clients more fully?

Lyle T. Lachmuth is THE Unsticking^TM Coach. He mentors writers and other eclectic creatives who yearn to fully and authentically express their gifts. Lyle holds a Masters degree with a speciality in Strategic Transition Management and specializes in consulting on Life & Career Transitions. His blog/website is www.TheUnstickingCoach.com

© 2008 Lyle T. Lachmuth All Rights Reserved